17 and a Hopeless Romantic
I've always been the sort of girl who's always looking for a relationship but nothing has ever fallen into place for me. I've gotten close but circumstances like moving have been in the way. I always tell myself that it'll happen when it's meant to be, but its hard not to become impatient. Sometimes I come to weird revelations as to why I'm single or why right now isn't the time for me to be in love. I often tell my friends that I'm afraid to fall in love, which is true to some extent. I know that as a person, I'm not in a place where I'm content enough with myself and my situation to fall in love.
Weird Californian Ways
I have a hard time with the way that people in California go about dating. I'm a true Midwestern girl where boys and girls text each other, even if they're not romantically involved. Boys and girls are friends and hang out with each other without it being awkward. People like to become really good friends before they date. In California, all of those statements are basically reversed. Boys and girls do not text unless they're dating really. The only friend group in my school that hangs out coed is the popular crowd, and my "middle class" friend group only has the boyfriends of girls in it. The thing that I find to be the worst is that people don't become friends before they date. One of my friends here barely knew the guy before they started officially dating and their first few months were basically spent in the awkward stage of forcing the relationship.
Deep down, I know that I'm not meant for Californian boys, and that just makes me feel like I'm even further away from finding love. Its frustrating to be put in a situation where you know there's no hope for finding what you're wishing for.
Why love? Why now?
I know that I'm blessed to have so much love from within my family. I'm so close with my parents and grandparents that in theory I shouldn't have any void to fill by finding this romantic love. For some reason, I feel like love is a part of me that's not completely full.
I know I have the capacity to love someone with my whole heart. I was watching Keeping Up with the Kardashians (what a surprise lol) and it was season 2 where Rob and Adrienne are still together. The way that Adrienne brought out the Rob that was hiding underneath the surface really made me realize that I have so much love to give, I just have to find someone to let me in so that I can give it. Adrienne also said something about how at first, she didn't think that Rob was for her, but after she got to know him, he became the most attractive guy in the world to her. That really stuck a chord with me because I always thought I was weird because the real physical attraction comes after the mental attraction for me.
I know that boys in high school are immature and dumb, but I've only found exceptions to the rule in the Midwest. That's why I want to go back there so badly. It's important for me to have a mature partner because I'm an old soul and wisdom goes a long way for me. Its hard to accept that it will be a long time until I find someone who is a good pairing with my personality since the boys my age will need time to mature.
What I Really Want
This may look shallow but I really need to write down what I need in a relationship. This is by no means a hard and fast checklist for potential boyfriends. I recognize that nobody will have every item on this list and I may be swept off of my feet by someone completely opposite of what I was looking for, and that is okay. For now, I want to keep my thoughts organized on the subject and this is how I want to do it.
- Mature
- Have more common sense than I do
- Takes control and wears the pants (or at least tries to!)
- Playful
- Laughter isn't forced
- Cuddly
- Listens to me and cares about what I have to say
- Respectful
