I literally don't even know right now. I am so immensely different from what I used to be a year ago. Like if I were to tell Junior year Harper what I'm like now, I would've thought I was crazy. I let go of my dreams of an ivy league school and have settled on a Midwest state school; something I absolutely swore up and down that I would never do. I feel so disconnected from the high school experience right now it's unbelievable. I look at the freshmen this year and can't even fathom that I used to be them such a short time ago. When I read my old posts about my goals and becoming healthy I feel like a pile of lard because I achieved none of them. Why do I fail so often?

So recently one of my best friends has asked me what my perfect date would be. While I've been meaning to blog about things like this for a while, she finally gave be the shove to do it (thanks bb)

Dear future boyfriend,

You should really know what the 17 year old me would want from you. I would want you to take me on an all day date. We would start at 9 am because I'm more or less a morning person (except in the summer when I get on the schedule of a vampire) and I wouldn't want to waste a minute of this day. First things first, we would cook breakfast for ourselves. Deep down I want to be a homemaker of a woman and playing house is basically my dream date, but we'll keep it to a minimum for your sake. While my cooking abilities are limited, hopefully you can keep me from burning the house down. After we make pancakes, we would fry up some bacon (really you would because I'm afraid of grease popping up at me) and then serve breakfast to my parents as well as ourselves. After breakfast we would perhaps watch a bit of the morning news because there's no way I wouldn't eat far too much food. Next, we would pack a picnic to take on our little adventure of a day. I would want you to take me out on the lake on this day. Hopefully I've found myself an outdoors-man but that's not likely since I'm more of an inside kind of gal. If you don't have a boat, going to the beach will do just fine. I don't find fishing to be that enthralling so it would be fine if you left that part out. On the beach, I would want to play. Like joking around, laughing, pushing each other into the water, etc. If you're my boyfriend, you know what I mean by playing. You would bring speakers and we'd play our collaborative playlist for the season. After we picnic, I think we would go for a walk because that's a nice reason to hold hands and enjoy each others' presence. Then we would pack up and get in your car to go for a nice long ride. I like to go out in the backwoods and smell the fresh air and feel the way Wisconsin feels. I don't care how old I am or how long I've been living in Wisconsin at that time, it will never get old to me. At the end of the drive, I want you to drop me off at home for approximately 2 hours. After being awake and excited all day, lord knows I need a nap. When you pick me up again, I'd be wearing a dress and you'd look nice too. Don't forget to tell me I'm beautiful because I've never been called beautiful by a guy before .We would go to a nice supper club for dinner and split a big steak with me because I don't like the potato that comes with it but I love beef. After dinner, I would want you to bring me back out away from the city (but still in a safe area because being out in the dark without cell phone service scares me). If you have a truck, bring blankets and a TON of pillows so we could cuddle under the stars. If you don't have a truck, bring more blankets and more pillows so we could lay on the beach by the lake again and just chill for a while. Cuddle me like you've never cuddled anyone before. I would want to feel so close to you. I would want to feel the way you breathe, the way your hands fit around mine, the patterns on your palms, everything. Talk to me about everything. Tell me you love me that night.

Love,

Your future girlfriend

So I've been quite slacking on the whole health thing. A lot of my thoughts about health lately are centered around the fact that if I'm not healthy now, will I ever be? The elderly people in nursing homes that are still walking are always the ones who kept moving throughout their lives. I want to establish habits before I go off to college in 2015. I'm going to start with the month of June. While I will be home in Wisconsin, I will have extra time and no stress which makes it the perfect time to start. Here's my list of June goals:

• Work out every single day
• Could be a 1 hour walk, 45 minutes of workout videos, a 30+ minute run
• Do couch to 5K
• Eat healthily as often as possible
• This is super hard to do when I'm home because there's so many restaurants I love to have when I'm home
• If I eat a bad meal, I have to burn the entire meal calorie content by the end of the week on top of my usual workout routine
• Don't lose too much sleep!!!
• This one is super important for me because when I'm tired, I'm cranky. If I'm home, 10 pm is my bedtime and I'll get up at 6 to send off Granny and Grapa
• Enjoy myself
• I need balance in my life. My time at home is my favorite time of the whole year an and I need to make use of it
• Remember my time at home
• I hope to blog a ton more. I love reading my old writing after events and remembering all of the little details

17 and a Hopeless Romantic

Weird Californian Ways

Why love? Why now?

What I Really Want

We all have our crappy habits. I used to bite my nails, procrastinate, etc. Lately I've been feeling like I'm changing as a person in a way that I really like. For example, I really feel like I've been able to let go of my school related anxieties. AP Biology is by far my most difficult class and some days it feels impossible to get the grade I want. This semester is increasingly more difficult in terms of the content of the class and it has made me realize that I might not get an A this semester. I had this same fear last semester, but this time around it really feels like I cannot achieve the A while still keeping my sanity. I've come to the conclusion that this year, I will get my first B on my report card. If you knew me last year, you'd be absolutely shocked by my new-found approach to my schoolwork. I've decided to look at my entire situation and reevaluate my priorities. My happiness is my new priority. While school still is highly important to me, it should not rule my life in a way that gives me anxiety every single night about whether or not I will be good enough or smart enough for the life I want to live. I want to remember high school as a happy time in my life. And this is where I will start

As of tomorrow, I don't want to do anything bad to my body. I won't be eating my nightly nutella (yes, I have a spoonful every other night), I'll go for a walk every day, I won't stay up so late. My excuse as to why I do such horrible things for my health is always the same, "I'm a teenager so I can be stupid and it'll be okay." But in all honesty, it won't be okay. Your teenage years are the most important in forming your lifelong habits. I don't want to be sedentary, I want to be an active and happy person. These are the times that I need to be vigilant in my actions. While I won't go so far as to hinder my life as a young adult, I will make conscious choices that will better my mind and my body.

This is kind of like a New Year's Resolution, but in April. I'm cool with it. When a change must be made, there is no time to waste.

Ta-ta for now!

As a girl who has traveled the world, I can tell you where I’m meant to be. I don’t need to travel any more to find out where I know I belong. But lately I’ve been considering new places. Tumblr is full of these pictures of gorgeous places and ideas about traveling. It never appealed to me to take a gap year and “find out who I really am” via globetrotting. I think it might be the Army BRAT in me but I want to live places. I want to try living on the Carolina coastline. Or maybe Alabama might be a cool place to be for a few years. I know for college I want to go back to the midwest because that is where home and my heart is. But who knows. As of this week, I’ve been fantasizing about working at a nursing home in North Carolina and living in a small house near the beach. I picture the kind of life where you wear your monogram jewelry and pearls no matter what the occasion. One where you take a book and a lawn chair to the beach and stay as long as you like. I just went to Santa Cruz last weekend and I saw how happy everyone was even though it was winter. The ocean just gets to you and I want it to get to me.